Friday, April 04, 2008


Why is humanity’s most powerful emotion also the most painful? The depths of despair are reality in a world where we seek partners for our souls. The quest for the other half is riddled with treachery, confrontations and heartbreaks. From making grown men cry to popping pills to end it all, love seems to be at the forefront of the threshold of pitting man against man. We play funny games.

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl’s interested in boy, but due to social stigma, she waits for boy to make his move. Boy contemplates if he should go ahead, make a fool of himself and woo girl. Boy decides foolishness is a small price to pay for girl. Boy sets about on pulling all stops to woo girl. Boy looks like a complete idiot in the process. Girl resists until she knows he’s running out of ideas. Girl finally caves in. Boy and girl are in love. And they lived happily ever after. The End. Well, that’s what the movies will tell you anyway.

Ever after isn’t really happily ever after. In the real world, everything significant happens after they fall in love. The fairytales are fairytales because they don’t dwell in the reality of falling in love. They entrench themselves only in the notion of falling in love. They embrace the concept of finding that perfect partner but never in the reality that that beautiful woman is also human. Like a good man once said, “It’s only human to err”. In matters of the heart, man tends to err more often than not.

Love is like the bliss of sunshine yet it entails the emotional whirlwinds that only hurricanes bring. Like all extremes of nature, they leave a trail of things broken, damaged or expired. Fortunately, like in the aftermath of all extremes of nature, there’s rebuilding and the renewal of hope. Only in keeping the faith do you do justice to both yourself and your partner. Notice they always say “fall in love” not “climb in love”.

Logic will never be able to sensibly give you an explanation as to why people become irrational when they’re in love. Neither reason nor sensibility will ever justify a man’s actions when he’s in love. The saving grace however, is that you’re allowed to be an emotionally charged idiot when it comes to matters of the heart. Using love as an excuse seems to get you off the hook more often than not. We’re all suckers for romance.

How come is it we always say we’d die for the people we love but continue to hurt them with our words and actions? How is it all right to sweep a woman off her feet and then leave her to wilt in emotional baggage when another gorgeous woman walks into our lives? How is it okay to consistently doubt her loyalty when you’re sleeping with half the female population? How is it fine to love someone but pretend to walk away because courage fails you? How is it right to continually live in denial? How is it right to laugh when you’re crying inside?

You want to know why we constantly fail to find the right person. It’s because we’re looking for the wrong person! We seem to be looking for someone to sleep with, someone who’s the first one through the door, someone who’ll compliment our social status, someone who won’t question us, someone who’ll pretend to care when we’re down on our chips or someone who just says you’re beautiful. When all that we should be looking for is someone who keeps us happy! That’s it, just plain happy! All we need to do is find someone who complements us, completes us.

Unfortunately, for the goons who’re stuck in the current generation, we look for someone who’s going to keep us happy today and not tomorrow. But, dear god, how would you know that unless you start dating her, get into her pants, make her cook for you and clean your room? This is the part where you take a swipe on your head with a frying pan. You don’t need to do all that, all you need to do is use your damn head! The one that isn’t stuck in your pants, that is. The problem isn’t your little brother or your excess of hormones, it’s the fact that you can’t think two steps ahead. Her breasts aren’t really reason enough to drop singlehood.

Let’s face it, the objective is to have a long and healthy relationship that eventually ends up in the ultimate commitment of marriage. To have a long and healthy relationship, you always need to look into the baggage your partner brings into your life. It isn’t as easy as “I like, I buy”! Baggage is anything that they bring into the relationship that affects you psychologically and how you deal with it. The behavioral traits, her friendship with the cheating ex-boyfriend, her alcoholic father, her religious beliefs, her love for flashy cars or even her dislike of your sloppy dressing. They are all baggage! If you know you can handle all her baggage, you’re good to take the plunge. This goes without saying, she’s got to be comfortable handling your baggage as well. Otherwise, it’s a wee bit of a one way street to a disaster. Unless you’ve got a fetish for heartbreak and alcoholism.

Relationships are all about growing up together. They aren’t about changing either of you or the fights or even the sex. Relationships will only work if you constantly work towards understanding each other. Two people don’t always have to agree, they can even pull each others’ hairs out. All that matters is that if at the end of it all, you still want to spend your life holding her when she’s annoying or kissing her when she’s embarrassing! When you have that, you really should stop looking and start consolidating.

Patience isn’t in great supply in modern day relationships. Maybe that’s why we fall out of love so easily and the ever-escalating divorce rates certainly seem to concur. Maybe that’s why we jump into a relationship with every hot chick that comes into our lives. There isn’t a pause button to contemplate, there’s just play and replay! If you’re fighting now, then you’re definitely going to be at each others’ throats when you’re married. The yardstick should always be how you deal with each other in the aftermath of these fights while you’re still unwed. If you aren’t climbing on each other or continually having make-up sex, you’ll be fine. However if you are, dump the denial routine and break-up for the sake of your sanity at least.

Mostly falling in love is painful. Sometimes courage isn’t as abundant as it seemed to be. Sometimes it’s too difficult to forgive and forget. Sometimes, she’s standing right in front of you and you’ll never realize it till it’s too late. Sometimes she’s so near yet so far. Sometimes we forget, why we fell in love in the first place. Sometimes all we’re doing is just crying and not actually working towards fixing our relationships. Sometimes we just lack the strength to fix it. Sometimes love just ain’t enough.

Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Courage and hope are strong advocates to have when you are in love. They say love gives you wings to fly. To fly, you need courage to take those baby steps. Its okay to cry or fall flat on your face in the name of love, at least it proves you have the courage to live life. Not everyone has the courage to come out of his or her rut and actually fall in love. But as they always say, never say never…

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